December 3rd 2022 marked the 5th year of me covering the Dubai Fitness Championships (formally known as the Dubai CrossFit Championships) and as I waited at home for my lift to the venue, I was left in a state of nerves and anxiety. On paper, I really shouldn’t be. I know what I’m doing, my team members have absolute faith in me and the organisers have been uncompromising in their trust in my ability.
So what gives?
I think it’s the space I’m forging for myself. This maturity of knowing that I’m on the right path but also knowing that what is known may never be known again.
Knowing that I have to at least on a mental level, allowed the space I occupied with my work to be vacated for someone else. But also knowing that my absence will go unnoticed. That I will be replaced by something better and realising that maybe I was never good enough.
Hello ego my old friend.
I know I’m on a path of abundance and gratitude. I also know that I’m scared. I’m scared of letting go of what I had for so long.
See you on the other side.
I am not saying goodbye to this job or any other job that I have had familiarity with. I’m saying goodbye with exactly that familiarity. That safety net. That also accepting that what I had intended to be did not come to plan.
If you want to make God laugh – plan!
Who I am is a much better person. I’m ecstatic about where I have come to and despite the scare, I am as excited about the future.
So as I head to my ride, I know I’m going to give it my best. I also know that I may fail my passion or my team at some point. But despite my nerves saying otherwise, I know that that is ok and everything will be exactly how it needs to be.
