Unwanted

My recent work in Dubai has made me feel a little bit unwanted. A little bit stuck. And quite a bit anxious.

Compounded by the lack of free time and the inability to hold space and time for those I love the most has made me feel fearful of losing them.

My anxiety found company with my ego. An ego that feels jaded and frustrated when not called upon to step up. When feeling left out of the loop and in the dark.

Why am I finding it hard to let go? Why am I suddenly so overwhelmed with the desire to be needed and thinking I am not enough.

I see myself from the outside in. I see someone who is angry, impatient and lacking compassion. For myself and for those around me.

I sense judgment and I seem to find an escape in judging others. I feel so ashamed admitting this. It wasn’t meant to be. I was meant to be stronger and better than this.

I don’t know how I got here and I am slightly struggling to find my way back.

This lack of being wanted and knowing that my tribe feels ignored is fostering a greater sense of anxiety.

I’m finding it hard to hold space for myself. Where there is no space, how can I find a place to hold love for myself? To feel that I am enough. That me loving myself is enough