“I was too busy to even eat!”
I remember a couple of years back a friend used to constantly tell me this as a matter of pride. Me as the listener looked at him in awe that he had so much to do.
I realised that that wasn’t necessarily healthy (his lifestyle and my reaction). But lately I have been thinking about how being busy and trying to stay busy at being busy has been an escape. A shield.
On the one hand it reflected that myself or my work was in demand (validation) and on the other hand it sometimes helped to bypass any difficult emotions I wasn’t ready to deal with.
Recently I have found myself slipping back into bad habits and whenever I hear someone being busy – I think how lucky are they?
Right now I know I want to be busy so that I can avoid slipping back to habits I have been trying to evolve from in my life. A bit like sweeping something under the rug.
When I need to sit with myself, I crave to run away from this discomfort.
On a personal side, that validation to be needed and wanted was my benchmark to life and I forget that the person who needs me more then anyone else is being ignored.
Even as I write this I’m already thinking about how to share it without coming off as obnoxious but also trying to obtain a sense of being. Being present somewhere else but here.
I need to be here and not worry about a path that only I can see.
An amazing friend of mine once told me:
“you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person”.
Something I constantly use as a constant waypoint on my current trajectory.
I want to be busy at the things I enjoy and things that I find purpose and meaning in. And maybe even others need to really understand that sometimes being busy at being busy may not be such a healthy solution.
