Not Good Enough

I've written before about how photography, as an art form, is subjective. What appeals to you may not appeal to everyone.

But when you are told that your work is not good enough, it still stings.

I experienced that this week. Mind you, it was in a territory where I can confess my technical know-how is still on the weaker side.

There are a few things that have sat with me since I heard it.

My learning curve is steeper than it used to be

I have always been proud of taking the self-taught route in photography. So when this new technical skill came along, I treated it with the same naivety and the same ego. That I could just wing it.

Or maybe I was too scared to admit to myself that I needed to learn it properly. Because learning means admitting that something I love to do may not come as naturally to me as it once did.

What if they don't like me anymore?

When I say they, I mean the client. Mind you, this is attached to a much deeper anxiety that I have been feeling over the past few weeks. This week may have compounded it, but it is still something I struggle to separate from.

I still treat paid work like art. And since I am my art, treating paid work that way can be dangerous.

I am being left behind

In an increasingly competitive field, I need to grow towards the things that make me uncomfortable. To potentially question everything I am currently doing in order to gain more work. Which also means learning what works for them, rather than only thinking about what I want my work to be.

Failure isn't bad. Not doing anything about it is.

So in this case (and not for the first time) I need to push my ego aside, learn the new tricks, and appreciate that I am in a position to do so.